That's how long until my birthday. I turn twenty this year. When I was a kid twenty seemed so old. I thought I'd have so much more figured out by now. I thought I'd be in school for medicine or veterinary medicine. I thought I'd be able to graduate a year early. I thought I'd be at school in Vegas dealing blackjack to pay my way, or in Mississippi right across the street from the ocean, or in New Orleans. I thought I'd be in a sorority. I thought if I wasn't dealing blackjack I'd be slinging drinks in a biker bar. I thought I'd be tattooed. I thought I'd be getting married within a year. I thought I'd be published. I thought I'd be so much further along in life than I am now.
I still don't think twenty is young. But I don't know how much I could possibly have figured out. I just decided in the last week or two that I want to focus my career toward teaching history not forensic anthropology. I haven't finished revising my book let alone published it. I'm nowhere near getting married. I did go Greek, but in a coed fraternity, not in a sorority.
My love story isn't an epic sweeping half-tragic tale that carries me across continents and screams at the top of its lungs; it doesn't conquer everything terrible for me. My love story is strong. It's quiet, but steady. It gives me the strength to conquer the terrible things myself. It is my epic; it carries me from day to day.
My life isn't what I expected it would be at this age. I don't have that much figured out. It's still a good life. I'm pretty happy most of the time.
Being twenty scares me. Don't get me wrong, I'm embracing my twenties. I can't wait. But like most things I'm really excited for it also terrifies me. It's a milestone, and like most milestones I haven't achieved as much as I wanted to by the time I'm reaching it. But I think that's okay for now.
I need to remind myself of this all the time. I'm not a superhero. I'm not a prodigy. I'm just me. Jeanni.