Sunday, July 22, 2012

One Week

One Week.

That's how long until my birthday.  I turn twenty this year.  When I was a kid twenty seemed so old.  I thought I'd have so much more figured out by now.  I thought I'd be in school for medicine or veterinary medicine.  I thought I'd be able to graduate a year early.  I thought I'd be at school in Vegas dealing blackjack to pay my way, or in Mississippi right across the street from the ocean, or in New Orleans.  I thought I'd be in a sorority.  I thought if I wasn't dealing blackjack I'd be slinging drinks in a biker bar.  I thought I'd be tattooed.  I thought I'd be getting married within a year.  I thought I'd be published.  I thought I'd be so much further along in life than I am now.

I still don't think twenty is young.  But I don't know how much I could possibly have figured out.  I just decided in the last week or two that I want to focus my career toward teaching history not forensic anthropology.  I haven't finished revising my book let alone published it.  I'm nowhere near getting married.  I did go Greek, but in a coed fraternity, not in a sorority.

My love story isn't an epic sweeping half-tragic tale that carries me across continents and screams at the top of its lungs; it doesn't conquer everything terrible for me.  My love story is strong.  It's quiet, but steady.  It gives me the strength to conquer the terrible things myself.  It is my epic; it carries me from day to day.

My life isn't what I expected it would be at this age. I don't have that much figured out.  It's still a good life.  I'm pretty happy most of the time.

Being twenty scares me.  Don't get me wrong, I'm embracing my twenties.  I can't wait.  But like most things I'm really excited for it also terrifies me.  It's a milestone, and like most milestones I haven't achieved as much as I wanted to by the time I'm reaching it.  But I think that's okay for now.


I need to remind myself of this all the time.  I'm not a superhero.  I'm not a prodigy.  I'm just me.  Jeanni.  


Stay Tuned.

2 comments:

  1. Great! Thanks for sharing! I too feel like turning the big twenty is going to be an even bigger deal. I think of 20 vs. 21 and I'm like waaay more excited about the 20th birthday. Oh and I love the GG quote by the way. ;)

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  2. Thanks for the comment. Twenty's had a little time to settle in and it's still scary, I still have to stop myself from saying nineteen, but it's the good kind of scary.

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